Many (or most) people, when starting the wedding planning process do not realize all that it entails. It is not simply planning a big party, it is the beginning of a huge shift in your personal identity. This shift will ripple through your relationships with your mother, father, siblings, and your dearest friends. As in the rest of life, this journey is just as important as the destination, so here are some things to consider as you dive into your wedding journey. This will be a multi-part series.
Part I – Decision Making. You’re going to be making a lot of decisions, and you’ll need to make nearly all of them together as a couple.
1. Money – Weddings are expensive, that’s just the simple truth and financial decisions are a big part of weddings.
I have never been a great decision maker, but wedding planning took it to another level because the decisions involved a lot of money and held so much importance and symbolism in my mind.
During the planning process it would be helpful to consider the following:
- Which aspects are most important to you and your partner?
- You can keep this broad (people, aesthetics, experience, religion) or be specific (honeymoon, photography, food).
- Why are these aspects important to you?
Sometimes we don’t realize the things that influence our beliefs until we pause and reflect. Do you feel strongly about this decision because of your family’s expectations? Is it pressure from society to do it the “right” way? Unpacking the sources of your feelings will help you make decisions that are truly best for you and your partner.
2. Family Matters. Discuss with your partner how you want to involve your family and friends in the planning of the wedding. Do you want them involved a lot, somewhat, as little as possible? Discuss this with your partner before you start making a lot of important (and expensive) decisions.
I felt extremely blessed to have two families who were extremely supportive and helpful when we asked, but not super needy about how they wanted the wedding. I know this is not always the case, and it can be hard to set boundaries with family members who you love and respect. Remember to have compassion for your family’s needs. They are feeling new emotions and trying to process this huge change in their lives as well. It may be helpful to ask them why they feel strongly about certain decisions in the same way you ask yourself as described above.
3. The Journey is the Destination. When making decisions, remember that the planning process, as well as the wedding, is a meaningful journey leading to the merging of your two families together and the birth of your new family.
- As you decide what traditions you want to keep and how you want to make them happen, consider your end goal as it relates to the family you wish to create. I can help you with this by co-creating meaningful parties and ceremonies.
- You may feel frustrated or overwhelmed trying to accommodate everyone’s needs, consider that you’re essentially cramming a whole lot of family lessons into just a few months. You could look at it as a learning opportunity (after you’ve vented to a friend or wedding doula* about how it’s making you feel).
* This is a great role for a wedding doula. I can hold space for you to express your negative emotions and your family and friends never have to know;)