By Kate Mariah

Published by The Colorado Wedding Magazine online Oct 2023

My story begins back when I was 14 years old. I found myself seated on a firm, round cushion in a sunny room at the Boulder Shambhala Center. A couple of friends of mine had invited me to join them for Shambala Warrior training and I gladly accepted. 

I sat as straight as I could, inhaling through my nose and focusing on my breath. The teacher had told us that when thoughts arose we should simply label it “thinking” and return our focus to our breath. 

I sat, squirming a bit on the cushion, and followed the instructor’s advice. I found, however, that some thoughts that arose needed my attention. So instead of cutting them off midstream, I’d follow them to the end… and then return to my breath. 

By relaxing the rules of this meditation, I made room for myself to explore and trust my own inner wisdom.  This is what I wish for you! 

This same principle can be applied to wedding planning. There are so many people, blogs, websites and magazines telling you the “must do’s,” “never forgets,” “how to’s,” and “best ways.” The mess of outer voices can really fog up our own inner knowing.

For most of us, wedding planning is an addition to our already packed daily lives. If you hire a wedding planner it can take some of the stress off your plate, but you still have to make decisions (often expensive ones), manage the expectations of family and friends, and nourish the relationship with your partner through an extraordinary period of personal growth that comes with this life transition. 

It’s likely you won’t be grounded and present through the entire planning process (spoiler!). My hope is that, when you find your head spinning from the demands, decisions and “to-do’s,” you can come back to yourself through these practices. 

Dance with your partner – I loved practicing ballroom dancing with my fiancé for several reasons. First, it prepared us for our first dance, which helped my mind think I was checking something off the list. Also, and more importantly, it was time we spent together fully present in the moment, communicating verbally and nonverbally, deepening our connection. 

Take a walk – Whether together or alone, walking outside in nature reminds us of the expansiveness of our lives, connects us to natural rhythms and gives us some exercise (a natural stress reducer).

I particularly like to walk with my partner when we have something to discuss or an important decision to make. When we talk about it on a walk, it feels so different then when we’re sitting face to face. Physically moving in the same direction helps us feel like we are on the same page (even if we aren’t yet). Plus, the bi-lateral movement and steady breathing are proven to soothe feelings that arise from emotionally triggering topics. Moments of silence are easier to let sit. Which allows more time for thoughtful responses instead of emotional reactions. 

Visualize what you want – This was one of the most effective tools I used during the planning process.

Visualization is the practice of using your mind to picture things. The science says, when you visualize something it connects the same pathways in your brain as when you actually experience it. I first learned it as a competitive gymnast and coach. It is widely used in sports, has been thoroughly studied, and is a wonderful tool to help you with your wedding! 

Personal story:

Frank (my now husband) and I had been engaged for about nine months and had chosen a venue and sent out Save the Dates. We’d given ourselves a year and a half to plan the wedding since we were both teachers and knew that it’d be hard to do much planning during the school year. So, it completely caught us by surprise when one week before the start of school our venue had to cancel. You can imagine my shock and disappointment. After months of planning we were essentially back to square one. I could have cried and freaked out…and probably did! But then I sat down, calmed my mind and asked my partner to join me in visualizing where we would be on our wedding day. To my surprise, we both had the same vision – we were surrounded by trees. 

So when we had a site visit with a potential venue and we walked into the amphitheater in a forest of pine trees, we knew we’d found our place!

Talk to someone who’s not connected to the wedding – This could be a wedding doula, a trusted friend or a vendor who is good at listening and keeping their own agenda and emotions at bay.

This person can act as a sounding board for what you’re thinking through, ask clarifying questions and offer advice from a totally neutral place. This can be a difficult role for many of your closest friends and family to play because they carry so many of their own emotions and expectations about your impending nuptials.

If you need someone to talk to, I want you to know I’m here for you. I truly love supporting people through this big life transition. See my website for ways to get in touch. Sometimes just asking is the hardest part, but you’ll feel so much better after! 

Kate Mariah is Colorado’s first and only Wedding Doula, bringing a unique blend of mental, emotional and spiritual support to couples on their journey to be wed. With her deep understanding of weddings, grief, mindfulness and healing, Kate provides a thoughtful and nurturing presence throughout the wedding planning process and on the big day itself.

Find out more at YourWeddingDoula.com or @IntuitiveWeddingDoula / @The.Gentle.Goddess