When I first got engaged, I remember being afraid to tell my parents.
I didn’t know exactly why at the time – they knew and loved my boy friend of over 5 years, so that wasn’t it. I was just overcome with emotion – a mixture of excitement and the ones described below.
I wasn’t sure how to honor all of them because society had ingrained in me that the only emotion I should be feeling was “overjoyed.”
I offer these to you, so that you know that you are not alone. What you’re feeling is ok and natural. It is important to acknowledge all your feelings so you can be a more happier, more authentic you.
1.) Disappointment – your fairytale engagement moment may not have become reality
After months or even years of imagining the proposal in your head, it’s possible what your fiancé planned does not match up.
(Many women consider taking it into their own hands, but many men like to stay with tradition and plan it themselves.)
It’s ok to be disappointed, but remember, your fiancé did the best they could)
2.) Sadness – every door that opens closes another.
When you say yes to one person you are inherently saying no to everyone else.
(It might surprise you, but there’s often some aspect of yourself, however small it might be, that had enjoyed entertaining other relationship ideas.)
3.) Fear – of your ability to be in a forever relationship, that you made the right choice, of how your family will react.
With each engagement there is the creation of a future family which brings with it many unknowns. Unknowns are scary as well as exciting, remember to breathe through and acknowledge your fears in writing, to your friends, family or partner, or a wedding doula.
4.) Overwhelm -as you think 3 steps ahead and of all the things you think you need to do now.
Your engagement has finally happened! Now all that energy you had been giving to the proposal is projected into the next phase. When and how will we tell your friends and family? Where and when will we have the wedding – because that’s the first question people are likely to ask. Who will you invite and how will you pay for it?
These are good questions and you will have time to explore each one in turn.
At this moment, take a Deep Breath.
Let it all the way out.
Let the tears fall.
