A lot of people may think that since they’ve been together for a long time, there’s not a lot changing with marriage. But while the day to day may not be that different, there is a marked internal shift… you are now a wife. Whether you choose to change your name (I’ll discuss this later) or not, you are now legally bonded to another person. Your “nuclear family” has suddenly and drastically shifted from being your mother and father and siblings to you and your partner.
You might get annoyed with your partner or be emotional about little things… Be gentle with yourself as you process the months of planning, several emotional days and the reality of your identity shift. It may be helpful to share with your partner that you might be emotional and why.
If you didn’t cry before or during the wedding, you might need a good cry now.
It is also normal to have doubts and even feel a bit depressed during the first weeks, months, or even year after marriage. Most likely you’ll need some time to yourself to process. Remember that men often process emotions and changes like this differently. Be conscious of your own needs while honoring your partner’s feelings and process of transition as well.
Changing your name
There’s no rush. You may want to just get it over with or perhaps you’re still on the fence about how’d you like to go about it. If you’re anything like me, you have some reservations about giving up the identity that you’ve had for your entire life and the name that connects you to your father and all the relatives that have come before. Feel free to take your time and do it when the time feels right.
Missnowmrs.com is a great site that allows you to enter all your personal information and then it auto-fills a whole bunch of forms for you. It also includes a checklist of places you should remember to change and form letters to send to your health care providers, credit card banks, etc. It was really worth the $30 for me… for the time saving and the organizational help.
Just as a side note, I have found it useful to have kept my maiden name in my new name. I adopted it as a second middle name. When depositing checks written out to my maiden name or even boarding an airplane, people have allowed me to complete the transaction because my maiden name was on my official ID.
Do know that you must submit your name change paperwork within 2 years of your marriage for the marriage license to count as a “reason” for the name change. You can still do it afterwards, it just takes some extra work.
