My story begins back when I was 14 years old. I found myself seated on a firm, round cushion in a sunny room at the Boulder Shambhala Center. A couple of friends of mine had invited me to join them for a Warriorship training and I gladly excepted. I sat as straight as I could, inhaling through my nose and focusing on my breath. The teacher had told us that when thoughts arose we should simply label it “thinking” and return our focus to our breath. I sat, squirming a bit on the cushion, and followed the instructor’s advice. I found, however, that some of thoughts that arose needed my attention. So instead of cutting them off midstream, so to speak, I’d follow them to the end … and then return to my breath. It is when are minds have our full attention that beautiful and meaningful realizations can surface. So, I relaxed the rules of meditation I was learning to allow myself space to explore and follow my inner wisdom. This same principle can be applied to wedding planning. There are so many people, blogs, websites, and magazines telling you the “must do’s”, “never forget’s”, “how to’s”, and “best ways.” The mess of outer voices can really fog our own inner knowing. For most of us, wedding planning is an addition to our already packed daily lives. If you hire a wedding planner it can take some of the stress off your plate, but you still have to make decisions (often expensive ones), manage the expectations of family and friends, and nourish your relationship with your partner through an extraordinary period of personal growth that comes with this life transition. It’s likely you won’t be grounded and present through the entire planning process, but my hope is that you will find some of these suggestions useful tools for creating islands of bliss in the midst of the wedding ‘river’. Dance with your partner – I loved practicing ballroom dancing with my fiancé for several reasons. First, it prepared us for our first dance, which helped to do mind think I was checking something off the list. Also, and more importantly I think, it was time we spent together fully present in the moment, communicating verbally and non-verbally, deepening our connectedness. Take a walk – whether together or alone, walking outside in the natural world reminds us of the expansiveness of our lives, connects us to nature’s rhythms and gives us some exercise (a natural stress reducer). I particularly like to walk with my partner when we have something to discuss or an important decision to make. When we talk about it on a walk, it feels so different then when we’re sitting face to face. I’m not entirely sure why, people have studied it, but I think it has to do with the fact that we are physically moving in the same direction as we discuss important decisions or personal reflections. Visualization – visualizing something connects the same pathways in our brains as when you actually experience it. Really, they’ve tested it too! Visualizing helps us mentally and emotionally prepare for the future and unknown events. It also requires us to slow down, breathe deep and be present with our inner space. This was one of the most effective tools I used during the planning process.
Quick story: Frank and I had been engaged for about 9 months and had chosen a venue and sent out Save the Dates. We’d given ourselves a year and a half to plan the wedding since we were both teachers and knew that it’d be hard to do much planning during the school year. So, it completely caught us by surprise when 1 week before the start of school our venue had to cancel. You can imagine my shock and disappointment. After 9 months of planning we were essentially back to square one. I could have cried and freaked out, and probably did, but then I sat down, calmed my mind and asked my partner to join me in visualizing where we would be on our wedding day. To my surprise, we both had the same vision – we were surrounded by trees. So when we had a site visit with a potential venue and we walked into the amphitheater in a forest of pine trees, we knew we’d found our place!
Talk to someone who’s not connected to the wedding – this could be a wedding doula like me (shameless plug) or simply a trusted friend who is not a bridesmaid, groomsmen, officiant, or otherwise involved. This person can act as a sounding board for what you’re thinking through, ask clarifying questions and offer advice from a totally neutral place. If you don’t have someone like this yet, I invite you to join our Wedding Discussion Group on Facebook (it says Colorado, but where you are is not important). If you found this information at all interesting or helpful, please “like” my Intuitive Wedding Doula FB page and share this with other women in the wedding process – before, during or after the wedding- because, let’s face it, these tools can help us at any point in our lives.
