Intuitive Wedding Doula

Wedding dress shopping has become a national pass time with the shows “Say Yes to the Dress” and the like. While dress shopping can be fun, it can also be overwhelming and bring up other emotions… just like the rest of the marriage process. Below you’ll find some advice from me to you to help prepare you for some of the things you might not expect from the experience.

1. Bring people with you who will listen to what you want.

When I went dress shopping I took my two maids of honor who have known me since elementary school. I love them dearly and they were excellent support to have there, experiencing the excitement and transformation that happens when you put on a wedding dress. However, their style and preferences were very different from mine. I did not pick the dresses they liked best, and they were wonderful at honoring my thought process and supporting me in my decision. Listen to other’s advice, but stay true to what you want.

2. It’s ok to be emotional.

Dress shopping may not seem like something that would bring up emotions. I mean, I’ve never cried at a store trying to decide what to buy. Wedding dress shopping, however, is a whole different beast. It’s difficult to explain, but something happens when you’re standing there in a white dress thinking about your wedding day. Both my friends teared up, just seeing me in a dress. I remained relatively calm and collected while trying things on (I think I was a little bit in shock). It was after we left the store that I got emotional. I cried in the mall and spoke with my mom on the phone. Allow yourself to do what your intuition is telling you. For me, it was important  to have my mom’s support, even though I didn’t realize it until after the experience.

3. There are no rules you have to follow.

When planning a wedding, it seems as though there are a lot of things you’re “supposed” to do: the dress must be white, invitations must be sent x-months before the wedding, the groom must be in a Tux. And while you might choose to have some of these traditions as part of your wedding, they are by no means required. Just look around the world at all the wedding traditions. In Asia, brides wear red! So, trust your gut and make the decision that’s best for you. I ended up spending more than I ever expected to on my dress. Other women I know, bought a white bridesmaids dress and were perfectly happy.

4. Keep an open mind.

Before I went dress shopping I’d looked through lots of magazines and tried to imagine what I might want. I’d looked at thrift stores and online at vintage dresses. There were a few things that I decided on about the dress that I did stick to, but lots of other ideas went right out the window as soon as I tried a few on. As always, dresses look very different on the hanger than on a person. So try on some that you would not expect to like and be prepared to not like some that you thought you would.

5. It’s a big decision, if you’re not sure, take some time to think about it.

When I went dress shopping I thought I was just “going to take a look.” I had no intention of buying anything that day. But I found a dress that I loved and it was on sale. I felt pressured to buy it right then. Thanks to the advice of my friends, we put it on hold and went for a walk, letting the experience of that morning sink in. Although I did decide to go back and purchase the dress, I was glad I’d taken the time look around and speak with my mom before doing so. Lots of places have a “no returns” policy, which makes the decision sorta scary. What helped me was remembering I could always sell it on craigslist or on consignment if it just didn’t end up working out.

6. Choose something that you feel beautiful and comfortable in.

Unless you plan to change after the ceremony, you’ll be sitting, eating, and dancing in this dress. You will also, most likely, be laughing and crying in it. Make sure that you have room to breath (this is especially important if/when you get alterations). Going to the bathroom can also be tricky, especially with tight mermaid dresses or giant trains. There are plenty on tricks for helping with that little logistic though, so be sure, in the end, to go with what makes you feel gorgeous and happy!

Written and Edited by Kate Hoffman, Sept 7th 2015, updated May 2023